Thursday 23 April 2015

Choose Your Own Oddventure

Hate Player Agency? Got no one to play with? Miss peeking ahead to cheat at a solitaire game?

This is so terrible I'm not even going to invoke my Patreon Supporters for it.

Roll 3d6 for your STR and start with only your fists (d4) for defense.

In Combat you take turns to attack (roll your weapon's damage, the target loses that much STR) or flee (roll 4+ on d6, or else you wasted your turn). You always get first turn. At STR 0 you die.

Start at 1.

  1. You wake up in a puddle and have no idea how you got here. Bastion is smoggy, hot, and rainy all at once. If you stay in the puddle Goto 5. If you get up and explore Goto d6+1.
  2. Your reflection looks back at you before leaping out of the puddle and attacking you. If you win or get away Goto d6+5
  3. You pass a drinking fountain, and it smells real bad. If you drink some Goto d6+10, otherwise Goto 7.   
  4. A voice comes from a sewer hole. You look down and it's yourself, but horribly warty and green. They throw a brick at you for d6 damage and flee. Goto d6+4.  
  5. Somebody throws a brick at you from the rooftop! Take d6 damage and Goto d6+4
  6. You're drawn into a coffee shop by the smell of percolation. Poets are shouting at each other. To order a coffee Goto 25 to go and explore the other shops Goto 26. 
  7. The Sun's out, to take a walk Goto 17, to run for cover Goto d6+18.
  8. It starts raining really hard. To stay out in it, Goto 18, to run for cover Goto d6+18.
  9. Down a tunnel, into a sewer. Someone throws a brick out of the darkness for d6 damage. If you chase then you find a soggy Mock Monkey (STR 10, d6 Bite, no eyes) fumbling around in the dark. If you let it follow you up to the surface Goto 14, if you kill it or leave it Goto 17.  
  10. You've found your way home, but it's on fire! Too late to save anything. Oh well, If this has already happened, Goto 26, otherwise Goto 8. 
  11. A bit of your face turns to stone and falls off. If you've already been here, your whole head turns to rock and you die. Otherwise, Goto d6+18 
  12. Argh! It had a poop in it! Take d4 damage as you vomit and Goto d6+18. 
  13. You get x-ray vision for a minute and then it passes. Goto d6+18.
  14. There's an alien voice. If you answer it, Goto 26, otherwise Goto d6+18.
  15. A clump of skin falls off your face. If you poke at it Goto 11, otherwise Goto d6+18.
  16. Pretty tasty. Like a peach. Goto 17
  17. You're feeling pretty good, so you take a break. Recover all lost STR and Goto d6+18.
  18. The sound of the rain on the rooftops is pretty soothing, until lightning strikes the ground next to you and a gutter pipe falls down and whacks you on the head for d6 damage. You stagger about before collapsing. Goto 1.  
  19. A begger on the street has a froggy head, he looks pretty pitiful. You can beat him up if you like (STR 5, d4 fists, Goto 26 if you kill him) or throw him a coin and Goto 25. 
  20.  There's a shard of metal on the floor. Might be good in a fight (d6 damage). Goto 26. 
  21. Someone is whistling from the rooftop. To call out to them, Goto 5, otherwise Goto 26.  
  22. There's an escaped Bull (STR 16, d8 Gore) running through the street! If you kill it Goto 8. If you flee from it, Goto 7. 
  23. The ground around you collapses and you're plunged into the Underground! Take d6 damage from the fall. If you climb back to the surface Goto 26. If you stay down here Goto 9.  
  24. Where is this place... you're pretty lost. If you try to find someone to ask for directions Goto 5, if you try to go it alone Goto d20+2. 
  25. You use the last of your money. If you've already been here, d6 Thugs (STR 15, d6 Brassknuckles) come out to beat you for your debt. Otherwise, Goto d6+4.
  26. Lights in the sky grow brighter... then blast the city with radiant light. Take d20 damage. If you survive Goto d6+25. 
  27. There's a woosh of air and everything is as it was. Goto d6+1.  
  28. A floating craft appears in the sky, and throws a brick at you for d6 damage. If you survive Goto 31.  
  29. The city itself is lifted into the air. Take d10 damage as buildings crumble around you. If you survive Goto 31.  
  30. A wave of slime washes out of the Underground, take d12 damage. If you survive Goto 31.  
  31. You feel your body surge with power. Increase all Ability Scores to 20 and become a demigod. VICTORY! 


  1. Strength Record for first play through: 7 3 1 7 5 2 7 3 1 20 WIN.

    Inordinately proud of my achievement.

  2. I like your use of the phrase "invoke the patrons".