Porcine Bastionland (or d12 Deep Country Pigs)

Somewhen between our industrial renaissance and this electrical epoch, the pig was banned from Bastion.

Although this was never properly repealed, it is now actively unenforced. Those that don't deal with bestial law have forgotten about it entirely.

But the pigs have always remembered.

Perhaps this is why the creature is so ubiquitous in the rural sprawl of Deep Country. Generations of exiled swines were welcomed into the lives of those that would do anything to contradict Bastion. But if there's one thing country folk like more than going against the city, it's going against each other, and soon every town was boasting of their specialist breeds. 

Rivalries were roused, blood was drawn, towns were smashed aruin. Nowadays it's mostly arguments bellowed across streams, or a rare midnight walloping-raid. But the legacy lives on in the Pigs of Deep Country. Not those raised for slaughter, but those kept for more specialist purposes. 

I spent an agonising two weeks riding the battered roads and rusted rails so that I could bring to you a mere fragment of this porcine phenomenon. 

1. THE DRAFTON NULLITCH VOID BARMER

The densest living mass I have ever witnessed. Small animals are drawn into its gravity well, and even humans feel a gentle attraction. Can cause catastrophic scenes upon moving suddenly, so all efforts are made to keep them calm. 

2. THE GREAT TRAVELLING POLE PIGGY, SNOFFERELLA

I first thought this to be a sort of Mock Pig, but this breed is indeed a truly living beast, bred with a glossy hide and an organ arrangement that can withstand gentle impalement in the construction of a living carousel. They appear to enjoy the ride, but must be carefully rotated a few times each day to maintain internal equilibrium.

3. THE PUDINTRY CHOPPER

I had heard this creature called the Scapepig but locals found such references disrespectful to the sacrifice of this breed. When a crime goes unsolved for a period of four years, the sentence is passed on to one of the town's beloved pigs. A timid, lightly furred breed, they resist their eventual arrest with only token squirms and squeals, locals assuring me that the pigs see their inevitable execution as some fulfilment of their destiny. 

4. THE BOSTOLETS OF HUSHER'S BUSHLEY

Supposedly all descended from the most intelligent pig to ever have lived, the wise Bosto. This small breed are kept in the town's library, where patient trainers attempt to educate the beasts, hoping they will live up to the myth of their ancestor. So far the town claims to have trained pigs with some expertise in gambling games, weather forecasting, and matchmaking, but still not a scratching on the legendary Bosto. 

5. THE BURRYSOD CLIPPER

Lean, predatory hogs that attack the poor people of Burrysod at sunset every day, chewing on any bare legs they can find. By night they sneak into properties to gnaw on furniture and leave their mess in hidden places. The stories say that any attempt to fight back against these pests would only incur a greater wrath, so the locals try to make a game of it. I get the sense that their patience is beginning to wear thin. 

6. THE ABYSATHER GORING-BOAR

This carnivorous breed lives in a symbiosis with the town's more intelligent birds. They drag carrion to the pigs, and are paid in silver from a hidden trove. It's not clear where the pigs are getting their riches from, but they have thwarted every attempt to locate it through a combination of wits and ruthless violence. 

7. THE CASTLEFEGG CATTLEHOG

A truly gigantic hog, carrying itself with the lazy disinterest of a common cow. It possesses none of the noble snuffling or muckery of a pig, and something about it filled me with pure hatred. I have never felt such sudden desire to broadcast my distaste of a harmless creature, which the locals assured me was normal for the first time seeing the beast. Once a few days had passed I could no longer remember the cause of my animosity

8. THE WORKING SWINE OF URMINGSWORTH

Only one member of the Churltapp family remains, carrying a heavy burden to the people of Urmingsworth. She alone can speak to the swine, who follow her instructions diligently if somewhat over-literally. They are the sole workers of this town, the folk having fallen into indolence and sloth after benefiting from generations of free swine-labour.

9. OLD GRUNTER REBORN IN ASHER BREACON

Pig Mayors are so common in Deep Country that it's hardly worth reporting as news. However, Old Grunter represents something more than that. The people of Asher Beacon believe that their town has been ruled by the same pig reborn hundreds of times. I was welcomed to sit in on a mayoral address, and the people did appear to understand the creature's snorts and belches. If they are all playing along with a ruse it appears to be to the town's benefit, as things are truly thriving. 

10. EARL BAPCACKER OF TATER-UNDER-SORE

The rank of Earl was granted to this entire breed for military service, serving as mounts in some anecdotal war involving a cavalry charge on Bastion itself! Must be nonsense, as I was never taught about that at school. Now, this robust breed's fighting days are over, serving as honourary companions to the faded nobility of the Sorelands. They have developed suitably aristocratic tastes, not only in their diet but in decor and etiquette. I myself was corrected by one of the beasts multiple times during our shared banquet, with a gentle groan and a sideways glance directing me to adjust my posture or use the correct fork. 

11. THE BLESSED OEELEE OF FARLIND ROOK

I could not make sense of these things. They ate no swill, left no shit, made no sound. They were smooth as water, soft as bedding, and utterly passive in their behaviour. All they would do is occasionally move to smell some of the flowers left in their pen, the aroma appearing to inflate them ever so slightly. While they are never slaughtered, they are eaten when they die of natural causes, and such meat is rumoured to be the stuff of dreams. Upon asking if I could taste the meat, I was assured that it would never happen in my lifetime and promptly routed from town by armed militiamen. The high stone walls would keep the most persistent poachers at bay, but I wonder why they would permit me to glimpse at the promise of such succulence before casting me out. 

12. THE GUTMEDE STYBIRD

All your worst fears about this beast are true and worse. For those seeking to recreate my journey, this is one to pass by. 

Beasts of Bastion

More familiar animals make their home in Bastion alongside the stranger creatures. If in doubt as to whether an earthly creature can be found in Bastion, remember Everything is Here.

Elephants pull machinery in factories, and Camels ferry visitors up the steepest climbs.
Parrot flocks skirmish with Bats for the highest attics.
Capybara dodge Alligators in rivers and sewers.
Lizards bask in the Summer, and scurry to an unknown warmth in Winter.
Panthers and Peacocks roam noble gardens.
Scorpions of all colours and sizes lurk in un-swept corners.
Spider Crabs are heaved from the seabed, then stolen by dock Monkeys as pets.
Snakes coil drainpipes and snatch Gulls out of the air.
Pandas, both giant and red, are kept as pets by a the upper-crust.
Goats attack the elderly on rough streets.

Mockeries

Bastion is a creative city, and many of the creators are fascinated by animals.

Despite some similarities to Animal Sovereigns, Mockeries are very obviously different. Limbs might be carved from wood, faces molded out of clay, and skin from felt. Think of how you might move a puppet, in place of how a real animal would move. They may be dressed in special clothes and be somewhat humanoid.

Some are imitations of vegetables or other objects, rather than creatures.

They share the following features, unless an exception is noted:

- They are made out of artificial material, so practically any damage is repairable.
- They talk and sing, but tend towards base intelligence.
- They do not need to eat or sleep, and are unaffected by alcohol and disease, but pretend as part of their life imitation.
- Real animals hate them. Children love them, unless they're horrifying.

Mock Otter

STR 5, DEX 17, WIL 5, 6hp, Bite (d4), functioning mechanical wings, keen eye for sparkles. 

Wants to gather sparkly stones for master, and frolic playfully. Easily distracted by anyone that thinks he's cute. 

Mock Lobster
STR 4, DEX 10, WIL 16, 12hp, Armour 1, Claws (d4), ridiculous little pirate outfit.
Wants to live an exciting life and betray his current master in an amusing way. Spouts pirate cliches in an idiotic voice but is actually centuries old, with keen seafaring experience. Only gives good advice when it suits him. Terrified of going into the sea with real lobsters.  



Mock Heron
STR 12, DEX 14, WIL 11, 8hp, Armour 2. Copper Beak (d8), endless supply of trivia.
Wants to enforce good study at his University, and feed on fish-based delicacies. Any student caught not making the most of their academic opportunity is violently pecked and bombarded with facts, until they promise to get back to work.

d12 Other Mockeries

1: Mock Toad - Well-meaning host with disgusting habits. Gets depressed if nobody likes his stomach-turning meals.
2: Mock Rhino - Simpering coward prone to devastating clumsiness. Fond of depressing poetry.
3: Mock Hog - Top-hat-wearing gourmands that never pay their bills. Think any suffering is hilarious.
4: Mock Mole - Sits in a breast-pocket and points out the obvious in an annoying voice. Claims to know the direction to treasure but leads you nowhere useful.
5: Mock Octopus - Master of puzzles. Always bored with even the most exciting happenings.
6: Mock Spider - Crime-lord sending other Mock Creatures out on jobs. Speaks only in riddles.
7: Mock Crow - Petty criminals that tread Bastion's rooftops and throw rotten fruit at passers-by.
8: Mock Skeleton - Performs elaborate dance routines warning of deathly hazards in the Underground.
9: Mock Mallard - Intrepid explorer of far-off lands, barely understandable quacking voice.
10: Mock Jelly - Quivers in fear of being eaten, but is actually inedible. Won't shut up no matter how much you reassure it.
11: Mock Dolphin - Overly friendly academic, sprays water at inappropriate moments.
12: Mock Croc - Underground thug for hire, loves bad jokes.

Animal Sovereigns

Nobody really believes these things exist unless they've encountered them first hand. It can be assumed that multiple Sovereigns exist for every type of beast out there.

Animal Sovereigns share a number of qualities, unless an exception is noted:
- They are larger versions of their animal, and may have exaggerated appearance and abilities.
- They can speak with humans intelligently.
- They can speak with their animal subjects, who obey them, up until they betray them for a rival.
- When two Sovereigns of the same type meet they descend into violent beasts until one of them is defeated. The defeated Sovereign reverts to a normal animal of its type.
- They plot and scheme.

 Worm-Queen
STR 3, DEX 10, WIL 12, 7hp, No attacks. Can sniff out anything buried within a mile. Has a buried stash of gems worth 1,000g.
Wants to avenge the mistreatment of worms by farmers, fishermen, and birds. Uses her riches to hire stronger beings to carry out the vengeance while she watches on.
Grows into two Worm Princesses if cut in half. They feud until one remains to become Queen.
Hates the Sparrow-Prince, who wants to feast on them. Hated by the Hedgehog-Judge, who deems them unworthy of life.



Vulture Lord
STR 11, DEX 14, WIL 10, 10hp, Beak (d6). Can sense impending death up to a mile away.
Wants to speed along death in those that are beyond help, and create more urgency in his subjects, who tend to wait for their meals to die.
Hates the Ur-Maggot, who wants to rule over all decay. Hated by the Arch-Elephant over some ancient insult.



Tortoise Councillors
STR 8, DEX 2, WIL 14, 4hp, Armour 2, Bite (d4). Knows everything that's going on in the world, regardless of distance.
Want to discuss the matter at length, but stick to an agenda. A rare example of same type Sovereigns cooperating. Electing a permanent leader is at the end of the current Agenda. Even the smallest point of conversation takes an eternity.
Hates the Parrot-Captain, who spreads lies. Hated by the Mandrill-Ministers, who live on impulse.