Wednesday 2 December 2020

d20 Foods of Bastion

Bastion has everything, so whatever food you're craving is just around the corner. Maybe a quick jump on a tram, or actually you might need to change at the ice factory and use one of those hire-bikes... well I can smell it, so it can't be far. Wait, how are we supposed to get across that new canal?

Forget it, let's just see what's on offer around here.

Roll d20

  1. Neep Cakes (£1 each): Dense pancakes of various root vegetables. One fills you up for the day, two sees you through tomorrow as well. Halve your DEX (rounded up) for this duration. 
  2. Miscie Pies (£2 each): Short for Miscellaneous, but the actual recipe is closely guarded. Immediately lessens the effect of any alcohol in your system, but in a few hours you're Deprived unless you're laid down on a comfortable bed.
  3. Tyre Bread (£3 for one, large enough for two to share): Chewy black bred served in a ring. Pass a STR Save to even be able to eat it, but doing so generally impresses anybody that's familiar with this challenging food. 
  4. Stuffy Pufflers (£1 for a portion of 6): Aerated pastries filled with gluey mashed potato and dipped in saltwater. Once they go cold the mashed potato hardens like a super-adhesive clay. 
  5. Buckbirds (£2, condiments sold extra): Salty sardines crammed into hollowed-out bread. Always attracts seagulls, no matter where you go. 
  6. Bean Boomers (£1 each): Refried beans wrapped in a pancake and super-fried at temperatures previously thought to be impossible. Freshly cooked they can be thrown for d6 blast damage. 
  7. Edibowls (£3 each): Watery soup served in a bowl of edible porcelain. The bowl isn't good at holding soup or as a food. 
  8. Crisp Boxes (£1 each): Various flavours of fried potato crisps topped with onion, mustard powder, and relishes, before being shaken up in a cardboard box. Anybody ordering this without knowing how bad it is loses d6 CHA upon opening the box. 
  9. Noodle Bricks (50p each): The latest trend, just a brick of dried noodles. So much effort to eat that you don't actually receive the benefits of a meal.
  10. Fatty Branches (50p each): Actual tree branches coated in a thin lair of meat drippings and flecks of salt. Regular consumers will insist you can eat the branch. If it's your first time doing this you're Deprived for the rest of the day with an upset stomach, but by next time your body is used to it.
  11. Hog Paste (£1 each): Meat-free salty spread, slathered onto cheap sliced bread, toasting optional. Don't ask how they make it so meaty. Afterward you are Deprived until you drink at least a pint of water.
  12. Mushy Jar (£1 for one serving that can comfortably serve two people): Glass jar of various beans and vegetables cooked down and pureed, traditionally garnished with a softened rib bone to use as a spoon and crunch up at the end. Rumoured to improve your eyesight, and actually grants a mild darkvision for the rest of the day. 
  13. Dead Dogs (£5 on a plate with side salad): Actually half a roast bird with an aggressive spice rub. No, they don't know what the name is all about. Anybody eating must pass a CHA Save to see if they're especially susceptible to the spices. Those that fail are Deprived until they consume a large amount of milk, cheese, or similar, to quell the heat. 
  14. Three-Lunch Handy (£1 each): Battered vegetables in a stodgy bun, then battered and fried again. After eating this your hands are oily for the rest of the day no matter what you try. 
  15. Sweaty Rice (£3): Rice sticky with the cooking juices of whatever is being served in the next stall or cart and pepped up with a special hyper-addictive ketchup. You are sweaty and  Deprived for the rest of the week unless you eat another portion (with ketchup of course).
  16. Broiler Baps (£2 each): Gravy soaked sandwiches filled with melting cheese. Something happens to them when they go cold, and they develop a sickening stench. You couldn't possibly eat a cold one. 
  17. Bagger's Mix (£4 for a portion): Cold salad of squid and stuff that can pass as squid. Works great as fish bait. 
  18. Bodybags (£2 each): Long griddle-seared dumplings filled with a whole cooked animal (whatever fits in there really, commonly a small bird or rodent). Eating one is seen as a test of bravery among local students. 
  19. Slobbery Boys (£3 each): Small steamed sponge puddings filled with a rich, spicy gravy. No way to eat it with dignity. Anybody that sees you eat one will never quite be able to take you seriously again. 
  20. Slammed Egg (50p each): Smash an egg down whole onto a flat griddle and cook it up, shell and all. Can be served in a sweet bun (50p extra) or wafer cone (20p extra). The seller offers you a seemingly endless selection of up-sell toppings (£15 extra if you go for everything), and is working on commission. 


  1. And people say that food can't be a threat.

  2. Thanks a lot for posting this: in my current campaign (loosely based on Golden Voyages, an old AD&D supplement modelling Sinbad and Arabian Nights) the PCs have decided to throw a party for an important NPC they want to create a bond with.

    Their Interpreter (they come from "Europe" so their fluency is somehow limited) is also a cook (not to mention that he is Cursed by a Djinnii, but the PCs don't know yet) and so I put together a menu based on your excellent list, with just a dash of Vancian extra spices.

    The sessions is for later today, and it will also feature a sort of Agatha Christie's element because one of the guests has something in their sleeve, and plans to use it to damage the PC's galleon...

  3. I need to make a table of terrible street food for my own setting...