Cageshacke's Valet-Guards

Cageshacke is an INTENSE borough of Bastion. Of course it's surrounded by an electrified cage, but some houses and boroughs also choose to have cages.

The main reasons you'd go there are to get in a fight or to hire a Valet-Guard, but before we get to them have a Spark Table for some ideas of what else is going on. 

SPARK TABLE (roll 2d20 and mash the results together)

D20		D20
1	Personal Vendettas	1	Jewelled Eggs
2	Pain Endurance Tests	2	Growth Drugs
3	Destroying Furniture	3	Excess Drinking
4	Being Buried Alive	4	Dying Young
5	Martial Arts	5	Rival Companies
6	Eating Raw Things	6	Humans vs Horses
7	Declaring a Champion	7	Censorship
8	Philosophy of Cages	8	Product Placement
9	Familial Betrayal	9	Personal Grooming
10	Barbed Wire	10	Massages
11	Angry Speeches	11	Breakfast Cereal
12	Corrupt Officials	12	Collectible Figurines
13	Animal Masks	13	Secret Identities
14	Resurrection	14	Loud Music
15	Climbing Challenge	15	Flag Waving
16	Electricity Worship	16	Humiliating Punishments
17	Cult of Personality	17	Being Thrown from Heights
18	Fire Worship	18	Fast Food
19	Celebrity Merchandise	19	Fake Black Magic
20	Blood Worship	20	Provocative Clothes

Valet Guards

These personal assistants have three very specific purposes that the fulfill all at once. If asked to do anything else they politely remind you that it isn't in their job description. 

1. Hype you up to others, even when you aren't around.
2. Help you get up or get to safety when hurt.
3. Not fight directly, but get involved in distracting your opponents, throwing things to you, or attacking opposing valet-guards.

When you try to hire one roll two d6s for your options. In case of a duplicate you've just got one choice, take it or leave it. 

1: Bercker the Shield 

50p, 3hp, STR 15, Old Flail (d6), Crude Armour and Shield (Armour 2, both Bulky), Battered Face.

• Will throw you her shield in the time of need.
• If forced to fight, hits herself with her flail every time (roll separately for her attacking herself).
• Boasts of your prowess in historical events you couldn't have possibly been alive for.

2: Silak Clothwurer

20p, 6hp, DEX 5, Hooked Staff (d8, Bulky), Grey Robes, Comically Fat. 

Prays to the Stars for favour at the worst times. 

Offers poetic guidance and put-downs for your opponents. 

Occasionally uses his hook to trip an unaware opponent. 

3: Arden Ztyle

80p, 4hp, CHA 15, Amplified Clarinet, Seemingly Endless Supply of Tiny Smoke Bombs, Animal-Print Clothes. 

Creates an entrance theme for you, played whenever you enter a room.

Utterly unable to take part in physical combat. 

Can throw a smoke bomb down to give you cover just in time. 

4: Ruff Bellows

20p, 3hp, CHA 3, Ornate Spear (d8), Horned Helmet. 

Shouts crude insults at opponents so loudly that she's hard to ignore.

Can throw her spear with pinpoint accuracy as long as it's not going to actually hit anybody. 

Says something great about you at first, but ruins it if left to talk for long.

5: The Golmot Twins

£1 for Both, 2hp, DEX 18, One Bladed-Glove Each (d6), Mirrored Clothes. 

Fling themselves acrobatically around without actually fighting. 

Can climb any surface quicker than most can run. 

If one twin dies, the other finally joins the fight with both gloves if they can (2 x d6)

6: Donk Beedle

50p, 6hp, CHA 14, Giant Drum and Beater (d6), Back Banner bearing your face.

Loudly announces your arrival, making exaggerated claims about your achievements. 

If your life is in danger, can smash with his drum for d10 damage, destroying it. 

The drum doubles as a cauldron for cooking delicious food, but refuses to let anybody but you eat it.