While there's a lot of sugar and brick-dust being sold, some of those chemists are actually onto something.
These are all experimental, so you can get them for free if you're happy to have someone in goggles observe your response to the dosage, and sign a standard waver of course.
1: Buff Spray - Applied rectally, feels ice cold.
- Restores STR
- 50% chance to lose all of your teeth with each use.
2: Cadaver Wax - Applied to skin, smells like corpses.
- Restores DEX
- 50% chance that the smell never fades.
3: Gudgeon-Snuff - Taken nasally, leaves a yellow patch around your nose.
- Restores CHA
- 50% chance that the nose stain is permanent.
4: Amoeba Essence - Taken intravenously.
- Restores all Abilities.
- 50% chance that you become dependent with each use. While dependent you are Deprived on any given day when you haven't had a hit.
5: Jazz Butter - Must be dissolved into a hot bath and soaked in for an hour. Smells sweaty.
- You can sprint as quickly as the fastest humans for the rest of today.
- 50% chance that your feet are incredibly slippery for the rest of the day, making barefoot walking impossible.
6: Brittle Green - Spread onto the stump as a goo which hardens. Smells like bad limes.
- One lost limb will grow back slowly over a week.
- 50% chance that the limb is a gross lizard limb.
7: Reality Drops - Tiny black capsule taken orally.
- Restore a lost sense.
- 50% chance to lose another sense.
8: Blood Buddies - Small red blob of flesh, rubbed into chest.
- Gain d6 temporary HP. Use them before your own hp and once they're gone they're lost forever.
- 50% chance that your body rejects the buddy and it forms into a small angry fleshling (3hp, d6 bite).
9: Goodnight Kiss - White powder applied to forehead.
- Restore the recently dead to life for a few moments.
- 50% chance that they explode messily on their second death.
10: Satchdragon Root - Spicy piece of bark to be brewed with hot water.
- Create a cool, collected demeanor for the next hour.
- 50% chance that the hour ends with uncontrollable outbursts of swearing and truth-bombs.
11: Digger's Spritz - Fizzy drink, actually delicious.
- Instantly cure any sort of stomach illness.
- 50% chance to immediately vomit explosively.
12: Mystiquerol - Syrup taken into ear.
- Instantly cure any sort of nervous condition.
- 50% chance that you develop a foreign accent.